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I was 25, starting my own business, trying to create the life of my dreams by pulling myself up by my bootstraps. (Responsible AF). I was working 4 jobs, working through my faith deconstruction; which also meant leaving the church-- the community that had served as my family for years. I was trying to save my marriage, fix my husband, fix our unhealthy patterns, all while in trauma therapy trying to fix myself. 😅 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 🛑And on top of it all, the thought of “not being a victim to my circumstances” and taking FULL responsibility was really, reallllly upsetting. Hadn’t I been a victim to abuse? YES. Wasn’t I still in a job with a boss who was manipulating me and lying about me? YES. Wasn’t I feeling alone in it all, trying to navigate the loss of my God, my faith and my community all at once? YES. ➰IT WAS HARD. And, somehow in that season, my liberation came from taking responsibility. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If I wanted a new life of 🌟wholeness and love🌟 instead of fear and brokenness… Then I was the one who had to seek out healing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If I wanted to set new generational patterns and deviate from the vicious cycle of codependency... Then I was the one who had to learn and practice new patterns. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If I wanted to feel free in my truth.… Then I was the one who had to set boundaries, I was the one who had to choose it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It became clear: The “savior” I’d always been searching for was ME. 👑 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ [Tomorrow I'm sending a 💌MUSE Letter 💌 stripping back the weight and misunderstandings around "Radical Self-Responsibility" and offering you some relief. (It’s about getting FREE not adding weight to your life). 🦋 Link is in my bio if you want to receive it].
"Joy is an indicator of deep wellness." —Danielle Laporte. I don’t know about you, but my experience of joy is directly tied to TRUST. There is a rootedness and an open heartedness to joy that goes beyond mindset/gratitude. ➰ It’s the ability to feel safe in your body, in your home and in community. It’s being seen and trusting all of you is welcome. It’s being able to freely give and receive love without closing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Something that might not LOOK obvious here on instagram is that a journey to trusting I am loved (particularly in female relationships) has always been a struggle. I’ve sabotaged so many friendships and have had to LEARN to healthfully relate to other women in adulthood. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When you don’t learn basic levels of safety, goodness, trust, vulnerability, boundaries as a child, adulthood becomes your own personal bootcamp. You can lean in and crack open to the lessons, or close and let them harden your heart. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Over the past 5 years of actively choosing to open, I’ve faced so many shadowy parts of myself. Parts I thought were bad, unlovable, even sinful. Aspects of my personality that I thought were “too much” to love. In all of it I’ve found that my capacity to hold these fears, traumas and pain only increased my ability to feel joy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When you open, you open to all of it. And to my delight, the crack is where the light gets in. ✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #choosejoy #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY
For the majority of my life, I held value in how good I was. Being well-liked, making others smile, performing, producing, and keeping the appearance of having it all together. “GOOD VIBES ONLY” was my motto. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I stayed away from sex and alcohol and anything I’d deemed as “sinful or unconscious.” But the truth was, I was fragile. There was little depth to my goodness. I always felt like an easter egg bunny that was hollow on the inside. My joy was always one warm day away from melting away and leaving me in a messy shame spiral.➰ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As happy as I seemed, I was actually carrying the weight of years of abuse I’d never faced, ways I felt unlovable, and the shame of the “darker” sides of myself I thought were wrong. And as it is with so many things; what we resist persists. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ➡️There is nothing wrong with focusing on the positive, being grateful and developing healthy habits. It’s important and necessary, but it will not make you whole. ✨Wholeness comes from taking the descent into the depths and facing our ego with grace, love and acceptance. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Wholeness isn’t pretending the dark doesn’t exist, it’s gazing into it, trusting that no matter what you find, you’re worthy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There is goodness in ALL of your humanity. #iammyownresponsibility #humanaf #wholeness
〰️Gone are the days of assuming and care-taking the emotions of others— I can be with my own “stuff,” and trust you to be sovereign over yourself. (You’ve got this!) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️Gone are the days of pretending I don’t know something, or making myself smaller to make others more comfortable. I will embody the real me in all my bigness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️Gone are the days of mind-reading, judging, assumption making and elaborate mental story telling. I will ask for clarity and speak the truth. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️Gone are the days I mask my dissatisfaction in gratitude and say “it’s fine” when it’s so clearly not. I will make the change AND see the good. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I will no longer take part in my own violation.💥 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I will honor my truth. Honor my soul. And therefore, I will be able to truly honor the light in you. This is how we rise, together. 🦋🌟 #boundaries #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY Pc: @kinseymhire
“Show up. Not as a safe skeptic, but fully. 〰️ You fear judgment because *you* judge. You judge others because you are afraid. It’s so much easier to look at what others are doing from outside the arena, without being vulnerable, and criticize... but when you step in— you’re in it together— fully submerged. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Are you willing to go in, all the way? I dare you to see what happens when you’re *that* devoted.” 💥 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ — a letter to myself in my journal this morning, reflecting on my word for this year: DEVOTION. 📓✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Last year the word “grace” chose me and boy did she work on me. 😅 I have a feeling “devotion” isn’t going to hold anything back (she sure was sassy this morning). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I would love to hear your goal / intention / word for the year! Do you have one!? Comment yours below so I can celebrate with you. 💋👇🏻 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY pc: @kinseymhire
A peaceful week in the mountains totally disconnected is just what I needed to reconnect. 🙏🏼✨ (Copious amounts of convo, cocoa, cookies and cuddles didn’t hurt either). 😏 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 〰️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Up here in the woods we have been talking about our visions for 2019, and reflected on our growth the past year. 🏔 Although I am big on co-creating my own reality and planning for the year ahead, I know being rooted in your worth is the key to actually manifesting it. ✔️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Instead of starting 2019 striving to *earn* the goodness, learn to open and receive goodness whole-heartedly. 🥂 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Your authentic self is already deserving of all good things. The “hustle” is just the unfolding of that alignment. 💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Allow yourself to receive and trust the goodness... because at the core of your most authentic self, *you* are so so good. #iammyownresponsibility #worthy #2019 #newyear
I hope you spend time reflecting on all you’ve undone and all you’ve become this year. My full highlight reel is up in my story highlights. Thanks for journeying with me this year. Love you. 🥂✨💛 #2018 #reflection #becoming #solstice
DEEP JOY IN THE MIDST 〰️ If we cannot cultivate a deep well of joy within ourselves, we will be overtaken by media, by life, by family dramas and disappointments, by obstacles and pain. When we become consumed and overtaken, we are rendered powerless. NOT how we are meant to live. ⚡️🧠⚡️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (Our brains are wired to focus on the negative, to watch out for danger. And when we don’t know how to hold space for the pain and cultivate joy, we can easily become consumed— cue shame spirals, feeling powerless to make change, “what’s the point!?” kind of thinking). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My love, to choose deep joy in the midst is not to be tone deaf. It's not blocking out the darkness or lacking in empathy. ➡️ Choosing joy in the midst allows you alchemize your inner story to a story of sovereignty, shifting you shift from "life is happening to me" to "I am co-creating with life, I get to choose. I am response-able." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Meaning: you can be with the hard parts of life, the disappointments and the ways you wish things were different, and still have agency to *show up* effective, powerful and in deep joy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Let's stop waiting for life to get less hard before we step out, stop waiting for others to change, stop waiting for permission. Choose your deep joy, today. There is so much goodness just waiting for you to take hold of it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What will you have the capacity to create, when you choose joy in the midst? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ [Adapted from this week's MUSE Letter. Get weekly letters from me by clicking the link in my bio.] #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY #choosejoy
TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE??? 🚨😅 This time of year I hear a lot of people throwing around words like "toxic people" and "narcissism" in relation to how they deal with family situations— or judging the people in their life as "less woke/unconscious." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I'm in no place to discredit those statements (those people DO exist😅) or judge your/their "level of woke-ness" (the conscious police is totally a thing🚨) but I AM being intentional not to diagnose others, judge their journey or impose my beliefs onto them... 🌟instead I'm looking for HEALTH and SAFETY in all the spaces and relationships I enter.🌟 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Spaces where I feel free to be myself, have honest conversation and have healthy boundaries that are respected.✔️👑🖤 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ IE: "I don't need you to agree with me before I am happy. I do, however, need to be respected and safe." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My love, refrain from diagnosing/judging/finger-pointing and instead find spaces where YOU FEEL SAFE. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Here are 10 traits of unsafe people, to help you begin to discern where to give your energy: • “Unsafe people do not like to admit their weaknesses. • Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • Unsafe people are defensive. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • Unsafe people apologize without changing their behavior. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ • Unsafe people avoid facing their issues.⠀ ⠀ ⠀• Unsafe people flatter you instead of talking to you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it. • Unsafe people lie. • Unsafe people don’t grow.” -Via Psychology Today's Article titled "The Top 10 Traits of Unsafe People" (Linked in the comments for your research).💋 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ AGAIN, this is not meant to be a tool to finger point, but instead empower you to look for SAFE environments, and become more safe yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Support yourself by lovingly giving your energy to spaces that allow the FULLEST VERSION OF YOU to arise, healthfully, safely and confidently. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Cheers to feeling fully YOU all through the holiday season. #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY #safepeople #boundaries
Instagram is a great place to put others on a pedestal. 👑 We see images, words, outfits and gorgeous trips and not only do the longings of our hearts get activated... we hand over our power. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I want that success. I want those friends. I want that marriage. I want that influence. I want her confidence...” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But what we miss completely, is that those longings are asking us to step fully into our power. Envy is your teacher, guiding you back to yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ — What do you want that you’re not allowing yourself to want or have? How is “she” calling you to be more bold, more creative, more devoted to your healing and wholeness? ✔️✔️✔️Ahhh there it is. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Don’t put her on a pedestal. Claim your own. 💛 PC: @angelahouskat #manifest #2019 #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY
What you’re looking for will not be found in a book, on a podcast, by replicating a morning routine of the self-help gurus or in having the “success” you’re told will bring happiness. None of those things are inherently wrong, in fact, I’m a real fan of being a lifelong learner and chasing your dreams full out. But the REAL goodness, the co-creation, the fulfillment you’re looking for will always come from within. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So take inspiration, learn all the things, read the books and test new methods for making your vision a reality. But never forget to weigh them against *your* truth. Cuz there are plenty of paths to follow and get distracted by, but only •one• right path for you. (The path of your True Essence). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As you reflect on what you want for 2019, be sure to ask: is this a “should,” or a MUST? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Learn to trust the nudges, even if they don’t make sense. Fully engage with *your own journey.* Take time to quiet your mind from all the constant input and consuming our world is built on, and remember who the f*ck you are. (Before you tried to be anything but you). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Own who you came here to be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ✨ My love, fully coming alive is the most creative, most revolutionary, most magnetic act. There is no genuine fulfillment outside it. (The answer is not “out there.” It is within you). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #IAMMYOWNRESPONSIBILITY
2018 wrote me a letter. It simply said: take it seriously, but not that seriously.

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