Transform Your Jealously and Use It To Achieve Your Dream Life

I've got a story about friendship for you today. The topic: jealousy. 
A dear friend of mine recently asked me if we could talk. She said she had wanted to bring it up sooner, but felt now was the time. 
"I need to get clear about a moment of jealousy in our friendship. I felt jealous of you. It wasn't a dark jealousy, and I didn't resent you, but it did spark a trigger in me and I needed to tell you," she said.
We had a beautiful conversation about how jealousy doesn't have to be ugly, although, it so often is. She told me I inspired her to be her best, and I felt the same way.  We are so close because we see the good in each other and are lifted higher. 

That's not how it often goes. Jealousy takes root when we see our friends, women in our circle and online thriving in their strengths. 
We have a not-so-pretty-gut reaction. We resent them. We talk them down. We distance ourselves, make excuses for why it was easy for them to shine, and why it's so hard for ourselves, and give reasons they are undeserving.
Underneath all the dark sides of jealousy, there is a lot more happening if we choose to take notice.
What's really happening when you're jealous:
-you're inspired
-you're seeing your own potential called out
-you're face to face with your own fear of inadequacy
-you have the choice to respond to the call to be great, or let your jealousy make you suffer below your potential

When you begin to see other women killing it, notice that pain inside.
Is it asking you to step forth in a new way?
Is it calling you to step up and stand in your strengths?

Jealousy doesn’t have to be ugly. Let it point you to your potential, let it lift you higher.

ENJOY THIS POST? It was originally sent to the Tribe as a Tribe Letter! If you want to be the first to get your hands on fresh content, all my helpful downloads, and real-talking riffs, join!

3 People-Pleasing Myths that Keep you Stuck

Over the past 4 years, I’ve learned to live my life from a place of authenticity, integrity, and loving boundaries. If you’d meet me, you might say I have a powerful presence, am chatty, and passionate about living a life aligned with my values… but that wasn’t always the case.

For years I let friends and family members walk on me. When I was a vegetarian, I went as far as to pretend I ate meat in front of certain people to avoid the confrontation and judgement I feared. You might laugh at the silliness of my choice, but it’s one small example of how I hid myself for the “benefit of others."

While hiding, I blamed other people for making me hide, for being insensitive, for taking advantage of my kindness. I tiptoed around relationships, held myself back, pretended to hold certain beliefs to fit in, and felt resentful when I would work hard to make others happy and was left feeling dry as a bone. 

The truth is, no one can make us behave in any certain way. My choice to hide myself, to put others first, and to deny my truth, that’s on me. What’s shocking is that even the most powerful, confident, self aware women still struggle with people-pleasing. 

Why is it that even the women you admire most still struggle with people-pleasing?

There are 3 myths about people-pleasing they have bought into, that’s why. 

The 3 Myths about people-pleasing that keep you stuck:

1. Your sweetness will gain you love.

We are trained from a young age that women are nice, sweet, and good-girls definitely don’t rock the boat. As much as we want to rebel, we have bought into the fact that unless we are “always loving and nice” we are not lovable or likable. 

Since I’ve lost my sweetness, I’ve felt more love than ever before.

2. Boundaries are selfish.

Someone along the way taught you that setting a boundary was unloving and selfish. True love meant putting others before yourself, and if you did otherwise, you were self-absorbed. This lie perpetuates your empty cup, because if you’re empty, you really can’t give. In reality, boundaries protect the love you have and provide you with more love to give!

Boundaries may not make everyone happy, but they will make you much more loving. 

3. If you show people who you really are, they won’t like you.

Sure, we have opinions, needs, and wants.. but how often do you say “yes” when your heart is screaming, “no no no!”? We fear being the bitch, being bossy, or being too abrasive, so we hide our opinions, hide our desires, don’t set boundaries, and play nice. (Often, only to have resentment build inside).

Showing people the real you allows you to receive love and actually feel it. 

I’m seeing a theme here, are you? When you don’t people-please and live for the happiness of others, you are able to give and receive love in it’s most genuine form.

People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focused on earning love. Genuine love casts out fear. 

Choose to say NO today: no to living for others, no to putting their happiness before your own, no to earning love, no to fear. 

Say YES to shedding your sweetness and really living. 

If you enjoyed this and want to step out of people-pleasing and into better boundaries, join me in an online boundaries workshop 12/4!

How to be Heart-Centered Without Letting Your Emotions Take Over

What is the difference between leading an emotional life and a heart-centered life?

Isn’t listening to your feelings going to make your life a mess!?

How do I know what I really want, when my feelings can be so misleading?!

In my work as a coach, I get asked those questions a lot. Rightfully so, as many were told growing up not to trust their feelings (myself included.)  For most of my life, I buried my emotions and deep feelings, ashamed for feeling so much. It wasn’t until I learned how to healthfully channel my emotions and look at the deeper parts of myself that I discovered that a feeling and a deep desire are different. Heart-centered, desires, core values, the things that light you up, make you angry, evoke a strong emotion, that is the stuff I am talking about today.

So what does it mean, exactly, to life a heart-centered life??

First, I want to tell you what heart-centeredness is not.

It is not a fleeting feeling, it is not even an emotion, necessarily. It is not following every whim of your ups and downs, and it is not even the cliche “listen to your heart” as many understand it. Being heart-centered is not about chasing a high, chasing a feeling, or even trying to be happy all the time. That way of living is cheap, surface, and not lasting.

Heart-centeredness is about the deep, core values and desires, that when not aligned with our lives, leave us feeling unfulfilled.

Heart-centeredness is a state of peace in which life is aligned. It is when the choices we make line up with our values and our deepest desires. It is deeper than a fleeting emotion or a bad day. You can live a heart-centered life in the midst of the ups and the downs!

Many people get heart-centeredness confused with chasing the fleeting desires of the heart, assuming that the following the heart will lead nowhere good. But let me be clear, there is a difference. Being heart-centered means that you are aware of what you desire in life. You know your values. You know how to take responsibility for yourself and your emotions. You make choices that honor your needs, values, and beliefs. When you live that way, no matter if you have a bad day, or a trying season, you can feel peace in your integrity and that you have the power to choose a life you want to be in.

It won’t prevent the trials. It won’t prevent the pains of relationship drama, of death, finance issues, or career decisions, but it WILL change you and how you approach your life. It will change your decisions, the way you speak, forgive, love, and play.

When you are heart-centered, you listen to your feelings without letting them control your every move. You listen to your feelings with maturity and grace.  You don’t spend money you don’t have just because you felt like buying that new shirt. You aren’t throwing fits just because you are angry, and you don’t eat a whole cake just because it looks good. The heart-centered feelings we are talking about are deep satisfaction with life. They are the richness. They are better than the fleeting feelings, and when aligned, those little temptations to stray from our values feel less pulling. The more connected you are with your heart, the more your life will reflect a life of peace.

So now it’s your turn?

What are your core values? What are the desires of your heart?

If you are unsure and want to figure it out, I would encourage you to download my free Come Alive Journaling Guide or set up a 30 minute consult with me.  Getting clear and aligned will help you live in peace and and live in that richness.

Ready to get started? 

How to show up as your best every day.

Be as you wish to seem. -Socrates

One of my biggest fears since I have began coaching is not that I will fail, (although I’ve had that thought,) It is that I will not be as I seem to be.

What a shame if I was a successful coach, encouraging and loving people, but the people in my everyday life, like friends and family, did not feel that same love from me.

What a shame if I had a perfectly curated photo with beautiful quote on instagram, but was not living out the quote in my daily life.

What a shame if I wrote blog posts about taking care of my body and my mind, but was too busy to do those things!

I don’t think the desire, to be as I wish to seem, is anymore a struggle of a coach as it is an issue of integrity for anyone, particularly in the social media world. There is so much temptation to curate a lifestyle online that is only partially there in reality. We wish to seem a certain way, it’s a mask in a sense. It covers up who we really are with a similar, yet distorted, curated, perfected, filtered versions of ourselves. That version, is who we wish to seem to be. Or maybe even just who we wish to be. 

If we are not careful, we can lose ourselves in the wishing and the  seeming, and start to believe that if we seem like it, then we are like it.

Unfortunately, no matter how perfect our media accounts are. No matter how witty, how artistic, how wise, curated, or even happy we seem to others, it doesn’t make it real. And that fact is terrifying. Because at the end of the day when you log off social media, or go home, if you are not living the life you wish to seem to be, you’re unfulfilled. And I just won’t settle for that.

So, I have made a commitment to be as I wish to seem. And I simplified it, cuz everything is better made simple. 

4 life-hacks for being your best:

1. Be as you wish to seem.

Being as you wish to seem is not about refraining from sharing beautiful images.  It’s not about refraining from sharing a quote that inspires, or sharing the highlight of our day! Share the best, share what inspires, share beauty, encourage, and love.

But just don’t let it end there.

2. Take off the mask.

I will not lie to you. When you take off that mask, you may not love what you find at first. This doesn’t mean sharing your ugly moments, health concerns, or relationship issues with the general public. This is being real with yourself and your safe people. Tell them what you want, show them where you are, and be honest. (ps. not everyone deserves this kind of intimacy with you, read about safe people and figure out who your people are).

3. Put on radical acceptance.

Approach that raw version of yourself with grace and acceptance. Don’t judge her for not matching up to what you’ve tried to curate her into. Don’t judge her for being in progress. Let her have an “off day,” an ugly cry, then move on.

4. Grow into your best.

Once you can see yourself in grace and acceptance, half the work is already done! Living the life you wish to seem is more close than it has ever been. It’s time to be courageous with yourself. Do the things you long to do. Start to do the self work. Acknowledge the things you want to change, and in love, make the changes!

Hire a coach. See a counselor. Go to that fitness class. Start to journal. (Get a FREE journal guide here!!) Make the little changes that over time end up changing everything. 

Share with your friends what lights you up. Go to coffee with someone because their presence is enough. (And sometimes, be fully there without taking a photo or sharing it!) Be honest with yourself about what you want: if you want a lifestyle like so-n-so, go LIVE it. If you’re inspired by her confidence or ability to travel or the way she pursues her passions, go, find your confidence. Go on the trip you are dying to do on. Go and live, in real life, all the desires of your heart.

Be as you wish to seem. Be your best.