Learning to Speak Your Truth: Boundaries 101
What does it mean to speak your truth and why should you care? Coming into your authentic self is the core of personal growth and inner development. This core can only be reached when you learn to speak your truth and love who you are. This is not an easy goal to achieve. When you speak your truth, the truth asks a lot from you in return; but the rewards will be tremendous.
It’s vital to learn how to speak your truth so you can enjoy the peace of living your life authentically. There are signs to watch for as you learn, these will help you discover and understand exactly when you’re not speaking your truth, and how to turn it around so that you are.
Living within your truth and embracing your authentic self is an exhilarating feeling which can continue forward when you also learn how to distinguish your personal boundaries and how to best apply them to the world at large, as well as with family and friends at home.
Speaking your truth is simply the honest and authentic expression of your needs, desires, creativity and boundaries. It’s how we teach others how to treat us, and how we share who we are with the world.
But as we all know, it’s not always that simple.
Speaking your truth can be scary AF.
One’s own Truth is vulnerable. It leaves room from being misunderstood, rejected, judged and can even be triggering to another person. Many of us have been conditioned to not listen to our needs, or to not know how to speak them. We have spent years suppressing this crucial type of communication. We have old tapes playing in our heads instead, and are caught up following the expectations of others, so we’re always being “nice” and “good” instead of HONEST AND TRUE.
Here are a few true stories I’ve had to reprogram in order to speak my truth freely:
I worked up the courage to tell my mom how I felt, only to end up needing to comfort her for the way I was feeling.
UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: If I speak my truth, I’ll hurt others and end up caretaking them when I am the one who need comfort.
I set a boundary with a boss, only to have them slander me behind my back.
UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: It’s not safe to ask for my needs to be met.
I told a friend she was hurting my feelings with insensitive statements, only to have the relationship end.
UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: I’m overly sensitive and others can’t handle my emotions.
I expressed a desire to a partner in bed, and they felt attacked, like a failure, and shut down.
UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: I must protect my partner’s emotions over claiming my desires.
What I want isn’t as important as other people’s happiness.
I showed up authentically online and put myself out there, only to have someone slander me publicly and start harassing me online.
UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: I’m showing up incorrectly… I need to tone myself down so people are not so triggered by me.
I’d like to tell you that when you speak your truth, it will always go perfectly, but if you can’t tell by my personal experience, this isn’t always the case. People won’t always understand, they sometimes have their own “stuff” which prevents them from giving you what you need, and often, WE lack the tools to set effective boundaries, communicate our needs, and be okay when others don’t know how to love us according to our own needs.
Before you can speak your truth, you’ll have to let go of caretaking for the feelings, judgments and perceptions of others while owning full responsibility for speaking your truth in an effective way. You cannot control how others will react towards you or anything you say or do. YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOUR OWN REACTIONS. You can only understand your own perceptions, your own choices, your own feelings. So why not start listening to yourself for a change? When you let go of the need to meet other people’s desires and instead focus on your own, you will be empowered and for you will begin to know and love your authentic self.
Let’s be honest, if we want to be successful at having others respect our boundaries and honor our truth, we must first own our power.
You’ve got to learn to speak your truth effectively, with grace and power.
Demanding respect isn’t the way.
Cowering back in fear of offending isn’t the way.
Caretaking the emotions of others is not the way.
Carelessly speaking your mind and telling your innermost feelings to unsafe people, is not the way.
Speaking your truth requires that you: take 100% responsibility for your experience and let go of managing the experience of others.
It’s your job to heal your unconscious beliefs so you can show up despite what others think while still embodying grace.
It’s your job to work with your fear and courageously show up.
It’s your job to manage your emotions and let go of managing others.
It’s your job to identify “safe people” and release people who can’t support you.
It’s your job to learn to set boundaries and then honor them.
But most of all, you’ve got to know that no one is coming to speak your truth for you. It’s your job to know what you need, desire, and what will support the authentic life you’ve been dreaming of, and then ask for it.
Here are a few signs you’re not speaking your full truth:
You often feel unheard, like others are not loving you the way you need, or like your needs are not being met.
Your life is dictated by expectations and the “should’s and shouldn’ts” of others
You’re playing small, not fully stepping into your gifts.
You feel like you give a lot, and no one reciprocates.
You often feel taken advantage of.
You say YES when you want to say NO.
Your calendar is dictated by the needs and plans of others.
You’re tired on a soul-level.
You react when someone crosses a boundary, but it’s never followed through or respected.
You feel guilty for the way you react, or feel guilty for saying “no.”
You show up honestly on social media, then immediately second guess your posts, or delete it.
You blame others for not understanding, or often feel lonely, like no one “gets you.”
You feel out of integrity with your highest self, like something is just “off” and you can’t put your finger on it.
You’re literally not telling the truth about how you feel and what you need.
You’re often resentful, jealous or angry when others take time for themselves, saying things like, “must be nice” or “must be easy for her.”
When you’re living, owning, and speaking your truth, sure some uncomfortable feelings come up, but for the most part you’re living with:
More Peace - no more guilt! You’ll have the ability to turn off mental noise of what others are thinking and stay in your own lane.
More Power - Be able to stand in your truth with power, no matter what others say or do.
More Confidence - Confidence to take up more space- be more honest, feel free in your own life.
Healthier Relationships - Leave the relationships that don’t serve you and shift the ones that need a “boundaries boost.”
Better Health - No more striving to meet expectations or “hustle” at the cost of your own physical wellbeing.
More Freedom - To be yourself and that you can naturally attract the right people and stop trying to be something you’re not.
More Presence - Create win-win situations, no longer reacting in anger or hurt when others push back at your boundaries.
More Fun - You’ll have capacity for more values-aligned goodness. (This is your life, on your terms).
More Space - You won’t be rushing from one holiday party to the next, rushing to answer emails or have a full calendar. Your priorities will be clear, and your life will have more white space.
More Effective Communication - Instead of hoping for your needs to be met, you’ll have the skills to speak your truth with efficacy and integrity.
More Clarity - When you cut out all the noise and “should’s and shouldn’ts” you’ll finally hear your Soul speak.
More Pleasure - When you stop pleasing everyone else, you can finally tune in and meet your own desires
These things are not just an inspirational message, they are attainable with self-inquiry and teachable skills! There is certainly “work” to living this way, but it can be done! It starts by tapping into your needs, truth and desires and fully owning them. Then, learning the tools to speak your truth, set your boundary, and honor yourself above all else.
Break the need for others to see you as “good,” “right” or “nice.” Just be honest. First with yourself, then with the world.
Ways to Move Forward
Get clear: Ask yourself, “Where have I betrayed my truth to protect myself, in shame, or in fear?”
Own your needs: Ask yourself, “What do I need in order to feel clear and free in my life?”
Tune inward + heal: Ask yourself, “If other people’s feelings were not involved, what would I say or do?”
Speak up: Ask yourself, “What conversation needs to be had so I feel seen and heard moving forward?”
Learn the tools: In my 3-part Boundaries 101 Training, I teach the basics of boundaries and communicating your needs.
I teach all of this in depth in my Full Boundaries Ecourse, which I’m offering at a low price right now!
It’s become clear that, in order to speak your truth, you’ve got to be equipped with more than just a pep-talk. You’ve got to know real and practical skills to help you embody your worth and thrive in your relationships.