Stop playing small and create the life you love!

*** This article was originally published as an email sent to the Tribe in 2016. If you want  fresh content delivered right to your inbox, >> join! <<


3 Simple Ways to Stop Playing Small and Create a Life You Love

You’d be shocked at how small I can become. Like those skilled contortionists at the circus, I've molded myself into an ideal image I thought I was expected to uphold. I knew how to play the game, keep everyone smiling, keep everyone clapping.  

I tried to make everyone happy, lived for other people’s expectations, never asked questions, and avoided stirring the pot at all costs. 

"Play nice. Play your part. Play it safe. Play small."

I tried so damn hard to fit into a box; a box that I willingly jumped in, I might add!  

The prison of expectations and the shame for falling short was not something I could blame others for. I was the one who needed the approval. I was the one who wanted to have everything under control. I was the one playing so small…

That is until I decided to own my life, play to my strengths, and let go of the opinions of others. 

If you’re unsure where to start, here are MY 3  go-to tips to get aligned + come alive:

1. Get honest + put pen to paper! 

Journaling is one of the most effective ways to discover who we are, what we want, and coach ourselves through our mental blocks. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time either. Give yourself 5 minutes a day. The hardest part is just sitting down to do it! 

>> If you don't already have it, snag my free journal guide to get started! 

2. Find your true tribe!

Take an inventory of the people in your life. Are they supportive of your growth? Do they help you become a better you? Do they know the real you and love you for all your strengths, quirks, and weirdness? If not, it’s time to make a shift. Don’t waste any more time trying to convince people of your worthiness. Get around people who already know; they are your true tribe. 

3. Take a risk.

You can’t play big if you’re committed to staying small and safe! Go to that dance class that intimidates you. Ask a new friend out to coffee. Apply for the job. Make the damn thing. Commit to your growth + healing. Just make a move, girl! 

I dare you create your own ideal life; reject the role you were never meant to play and take the lead in your own life. Free yourself from the prison. Jump out of the box. Give yourself permission, I promise the only one keeping you small is you. 


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How Powerful Women Handle Gossip

Have you ever stopped to notice the kinds of conversations you and your friends are having? I have one friend, for example, who is a movie buff. She is always singing songs and quoting movies. She is known to be the movie quoter. I have another who is known to start up random conversations with strangers; a witty quality many of us laugh about and admire. I have another acquaintance that always has something bad to say about a different friend, a new drama, or a strong opinion or complaint about a stranger, celebrities, or coworkers. It's gossip, and gossip is often disguised as venting, which seems rather acceptable in our culture.

“Oh I just need to vent.”

I’ve heard that a thousand times.

I’ve said it a thousand more.

Let’s just be honest. If someone in your life is negatively discussing all the other people in their life to you, they ARE discussing you and your faults with others.  If you are tagging along for the ride, you are associated with the gossip. You may even be contributing.

Heart check time. 

If you find yourself placing judgement or complaining about others, it may be time to give yourself a heart check.  Complaining, comparing, and constant negativity is an overflow of the heart. What you can’t stand in her, it’s somehow a reflection of you.

Powerful women build up.

When you truly feel confident and at peace with yourself, you will find it less necessary to start conversations about others. When you know what you stand for, you will be able to walk away, or even end conversations that tear other women down. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be the kind of woman who shines a light on the good parts of other women, or the bad?”

You have a choice and you have the power.

If you find yourself in the midst of a gossip conversation, your character and reputation is being shaped. Even if you are not the “main culprit,” if you are engaged in listening to the gossip, laughing, or agreeing, you are associated. Fortunately, you are not a limp fish. You are a strong woman with love. And love is truth in action.

You have the power to change the conversation!

You have the power to choose compassion over judgement.

You have the power to speak wisdom.

You have the power to speak life, or not speak at all.

You have the power to step away and have better conversations!

You can do hard things with love!

YOU and only you are in control of the conversations you have and the way you feel.

If you find that you are the one choosing to “vent” a lot, just ask yourself, “what does it say about me that I feel this way?” Choose to reflect, think, and speak in love.


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