Trailblazers Episode 3: Sarah Lajeunesse

Trailblazers Episode 3: Sarah Lajeunesse

Sarah is one of those people you meet and have a love at first sight moment. (That's how our friendship began, anyway.) Ever since I met this beautiful soul in 2015, she has continued to inspire me as a life coach, speaker, and dear friend. In the episode we discuss self care, being a woman, and finding your tribe. Sarah get's real about her breakdown in the corporate world, and how she found her footing and learned to honor her true self. Prepare to fall in love. 

Here are some of the things we touch on in Sarah's interview:

  • 9min: Wanting change vs deciding to change
  • 12min: Self care limits
  • 19min: How journaling helps your self care (grab a free 31 day journal guide here!)
  • 25min: Female emotional strength in the workplace
  • 32min: I mention not crying, but this past month I went to therapy about it and have been crying like a damn fountain on full blast ;)
  • 38min: What to do when something is "missing."
  • 42min: Searching for problems to fix vs waiting for them to come up naturally 
  • 47min: On being single and traveling alone
  • 58min: Who are you doing things for?
  • 1 hour: No one deserves to be in your life, not even family
  • 1 hour 10 min: finding your people

More about Sarah Lajeunesse:

Sarah is a lifestyle and wellness coach wildly passionate about supporting young women out of stress, overwhelm, and uncertainty and into lives that they adore. She combines her passion for yoga, health and wellness, nutrition, personal development, and self-care to help women create the life of their dreams. Through 1:1 sessions, speaking engagements,  and sharing tips and tricks on her blog, Sarah is on a mission to inspire and empower. 

 

Connect with Sarah: BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

How Powerful Women Handle Gossip

Have you ever stopped to notice the kinds of conversations you and your friends are having? I have one friend, for example, who is a movie buff. She is always singing songs and quoting movies. She is known to be the movie quoter. I have another who is known to start up random conversations with strangers; a witty quality many of us laugh about and admire. I have another acquaintance that always has something bad to say about a different friend, a new drama, or a strong opinion or complaint about a stranger, celebrities, or coworkers. It's gossip, and gossip is often disguised as venting, which seems rather acceptable in our culture.

“Oh I just need to vent.”

I’ve heard that a thousand times.

I’ve said it a thousand more.

Let’s just be honest. If someone in your life is negatively discussing all the other people in their life to you, they ARE discussing you and your faults with others.  If you are tagging along for the ride, you are associated with the gossip. You may even be contributing.

Heart check time. 

If you find yourself placing judgement or complaining about others, it may be time to give yourself a heart check.  Complaining, comparing, and constant negativity is an overflow of the heart. What you can’t stand in her, it’s somehow a reflection of you.

Powerful women build up.

When you truly feel confident and at peace with yourself, you will find it less necessary to start conversations about others. When you know what you stand for, you will be able to walk away, or even end conversations that tear other women down. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be the kind of woman who shines a light on the good parts of other women, or the bad?”

You have a choice and you have the power.

If you find yourself in the midst of a gossip conversation, your character and reputation is being shaped. Even if you are not the “main culprit,” if you are engaged in listening to the gossip, laughing, or agreeing, you are associated. Fortunately, you are not a limp fish. You are a strong woman with love. And love is truth in action.

You have the power to change the conversation!

You have the power to choose compassion over judgement.

You have the power to speak wisdom.

You have the power to speak life, or not speak at all.

You have the power to step away and have better conversations!

You can do hard things with love!

YOU and only you are in control of the conversations you have and the way you feel.

If you find that you are the one choosing to “vent” a lot, just ask yourself, “what does it say about me that I feel this way?” Choose to reflect, think, and speak in love.


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5 Reasons Your BFF Isn't Your Life Coach

Friends are my lifeblood. I thrive on relationships, soul talks, and getting down with my girlfriends. With my closest friends and safe people, I have open, loving, and raw relationships. 

Yet, I see a life coach. 

The truth is, friends are an amazing support.  I truly believe that friendship is one of the most important aspects to living a healthy life. But what you need to know is that it is unfair to your friends to expect them to be your life coach. It's unfair to you as well!  Your friends are not your life coach. 

Your Best friend is not your life coach.  

1. Coaches are trained active listeners.

In my coach training, we had entire chapters dedicated to active listening. Let me tell you, I do not actively listen to my friends like I do when I am coaching a client. It is a different kind of awareness that takes a lot of energy and focus. Typically, friends are not listening in this way. It is not practical in day to day conversation, and it takes training to learn and practice to master. In most relationships, this kind of listening is not present nor is it expected. 

2. Friends talk to relate and connect.

The very nature of friendship is companionship. In friendship, you talk, share, listen, tell stories, and relate.  Connection is built on shared vulnerability and openness. Coaching, takes a completely different approach to a relationship. Yes, my clients and I are very friendly, and I truly love them, but when I talk with them, it is about them. I am vulnerable, open, and relatable with my clients, but always in a way that directly benefits them and always goes back to them. It is not about me being heard, ever. In friendship, that kind of relationship is expected and healthy, but in coaching, the focus is 100% on the client. Every. Time. 

3. Coaches ask hard questions. 

In friendship, hard questions are sometimes asked. But after going through coach training I have learned what kinds of questions are beneficial, what kinds of questions to ask when, and what kind of questions actually hinder the client from growth or might cause shame.  Friends are often asking for juicy details, asking to be your biggest support and take your side of a conflict, or asking questions that are not as challenging to your spirit. Coaches are trained to keep the focus on self actualization, moving forward, and positive change. They keep you out of negative story telling and on what you're learning, feeling, and where you want to go; training your mind to think differently.

4. Your coach is separate from your daily life.

Your friends hear all of your stories, they know the ins and outs of your life. They've seen you drunk on the bathroom floor, held you as you cried, and helped you pick out the dress that looks best on you. But have they helped you make 6 month goals and created action steps for you to get there? Probably not. (And that's okay!!) It's not their job! Their job is to be there in the daily with you. A life coach's job is to stay subjective, to motivate, and to call out the best from an outside perspective, and finally to help you realize that you probably already know the answers if given the space to figure it out. 

5. Your coach sees you with fresh eyes.

Your coach sees you with unbiassed eyes. Coaching is 100% nonjudgemental and confidential, which means that what is shared in coaching not only stays between you two, it does not change how your coach sees you. Your coach has no emotional attachment to your "mistakes" but can see clearly where you are at. Your coach can see your wins as HUGE successes, because they know the mindsets you had to overcome to get there. Your coach sees you for not only who you are, but who you are becoming, and is dedicated to help you get there.

*BONUS:

Most coaches are trained with degrees and certifications specializing in the field. It's their profession, and they are well prepared to handle a coaching relationship! Read more about what coaching is here. 

As amazing as your best friend is, she is not your life coach. Take that burden off her! BE with her, share stories, get vulnerable, and create an amazing friendship. 


If coaching sounds like something that interests you, hit me up for a FREE 30 minute consultation.

Want to learn more about if life coaching is right for you? Click here! 



5 ways to know if you're a safe person

With a history of gossip, betrayal, and codependency in friendship, becoming a safe person has been a journey.  

"I’ve burned through best friends like cheap running shoes..."

...and tossed people behind before ever evaluating my own behavior. I’ve discussed before how I have been a bad picker, but I’ve also not been very safe. Becoming safe is work.  Lots of trial and error and forgiveness. Through reading books, blogs, and talking with my counselor on the subject, I have come up with 5 ways to know whether I am a safe person or not.

Because before you can start eliminating people from you life, you always always have to ask yourself,

“am I safe?”

5 Ways to know if you are a Safe Person:

1. You’re true to your word

    -you choose integrity over ease

    -you are honest in the big and the small; you refrain from the occasional “white lie,” even when it would make things easier

    -your yes means yes, and your no means no (aka, you do what you say you will + know your own limitations.)

2. You welcome personal growth

    -you're open to constructive criticism

    -you are willing to change behavior when it is hurting someone

    -you are not defensive when someone expresses their feelings

    -you invite the truth about yourself, asking perspectives of trusted, loving companions.

3. You're able to be vulnerable and seen for who you are

    -you open up to people and show them the real you, not just the you that you desire people to see

    -you have people in your life who know the hard stuff going on

    -you're able to reciprocate sharing and are not just the listening ear or advice giver

    -you can ask for help

    -flattery and gossip are no longer a means for connection

4. You are able to have hard conversations

    -you have the courage to confront real issues

    -you are honest about your feelings when necessary

    -you don’t “spare” people and secretly hold a grudge

    -you can discern between picking a fight and a constructive conversation

 

5. You give grace

 -you can give grace to yourself

 -you can give grace to others

-you can ask for forgiveness AND receive it

-you refrain from judgement and assumptions

A safe person is a mature person. I don't believe everyone is safe 100% of the time. I slip up. You will probably slip up.  It doesn't make you unsafe to slip up. Just practice #5 and get back to it.

 

Here are two resources I love if you want to go deeper on the topic:

Boundaries

Brene Brown's Anatomy of Shame talk


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