Transform Your Jealously and Use It To Achieve Your Dream Life

I've got a story about friendship for you today. The topic: jealousy. 
 
A dear friend of mine recently asked me if we could talk. She said she had wanted to bring it up sooner, but felt now was the time. 
 
"I need to get clear about a moment of jealousy in our friendship. I felt jealous of you. It wasn't a dark jealousy, and I didn't resent you, but it did spark a trigger in me and I needed to tell you," she said.
 
We had a beautiful conversation about how jealousy doesn't have to be ugly, although, it so often is. She told me I inspired her to be her best, and I felt the same way.  We are so close because we see the good in each other and are lifted higher. 

But. 
That's not how it often goes. Jealousy takes root when we see our friends, women in our circle and online thriving in their strengths. 
 
We have a not-so-pretty-gut reaction. We resent them. We talk them down. We distance ourselves, make excuses for why it was easy for them to shine, and why it's so hard for ourselves, and give reasons they are undeserving.
 
Underneath all the dark sides of jealousy, there is a lot more happening if we choose to take notice.
 
What's really happening when you're jealous:
-you're inspired
-you're seeing your own potential called out
-you're face to face with your own fear of inadequacy
-you have the choice to respond to the call to be great, or let your jealousy make you suffer below your potential
 


When you begin to see other women killing it, notice that pain inside.
Is it asking you to step forth in a new way?
Is it calling you to step up and stand in your strengths?

Jealousy doesn’t have to be ugly. Let it point you to your potential, let it lift you higher.


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Overcome Loneliness | Create Genuine and Lasting Friendships

Loneliness. Have you felt it? It's that ache inside you that longs to be known, that desires to connect, to share life in a meaningful way. When I went through what I like to call my "soul growth spurt" I felt distant from my close friends, and longed to connect with women who were running the same race as me. 

Loneliness is the secret struggle so many women are facing alone... and with heaps and heaps of shame. If you've ever struggled to find meaningful and open friendships, trust me, you are not alone.

Cultivating powerful female sisterhood is not something that comes easy to me. As an extrovert, you'd think I would be better at deeply connecting, maintaining friendships, and opening up to people. I have had to work to tear down the walls that kept people at a distance, work on my confidence in who I am, and work on actually showing up in my friendships. (You teach what you've had to learn, amIright?)

I've come to realize that the kind of connection I crave takes work.

If you're like me and desire close female friendship, but fumble your way through it most of the time, here are a few aha moments in my journey:

1. Being authentically you is the best way to attract people who "get" you.

It just makes sense, if you are showing up as someone else in your everyday life, or are a chronic people-pleaser, you're going to attract people you don't feel totally yourself around!  Start by getting comfortable with you. Be at home in your own skin. Learn to love yourself. When you see someone standing in their power, they are magnetic! Owning who you are will make you irresistible to "your people."

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2. Everyone, deep down, longs to be known.  

Yep. We are all a lot more alike than we are different. We all have a longing to connect and be known. You are not alone! Once you realize that, messaging the acquaintance from work and asking her for coffee won't be so scary. Opening up about the real stuff will be (a little more) easy! Being vulnerable and deeply loving in your friendships will eventually feel like home.

3. You've got to show up.

This is the one slapping me in my face at the moment. Friendships are built over time and with consistency. They take investment of time, love, care, and mutual understanding. If you're feeling lonely and you know you have friends who have your back, ask yourself, "how good of a friend have I been to them?" The state of your friendships has a lot to do with how you show up within them. Put a little effort in and watch them bloom.

You've got what it takes to create a life you love. From owning your story, to standing in your power, to cultivating meaningful friendships, you've got this.

Want to cultivate deep relationships with women who can support you, cheer you on, and hold space for you? 

I want to invite you to join me in my new group mentorship program! This 8-person virtual group coaching space will allow you to dive deep on your journey with women just like you. It's by application only and is priced so anyone can participate! I can't wait to have you. 

How Powerful Women Handle Gossip

Have you ever stopped to notice the kinds of conversations you and your friends are having? I have one friend, for example, who is a movie buff. She is always singing songs and quoting movies. She is known to be the movie quoter. I have another who is known to start up random conversations with strangers; a witty quality many of us laugh about and admire. I have another acquaintance that always has something bad to say about a different friend, a new drama, or a strong opinion or complaint about a stranger, celebrities, or coworkers. It's gossip, and gossip is often disguised as venting, which seems rather acceptable in our culture.

“Oh I just need to vent.”

I’ve heard that a thousand times.

I’ve said it a thousand more.

Let’s just be honest. If someone in your life is negatively discussing all the other people in their life to you, they ARE discussing you and your faults with others.  If you are tagging along for the ride, you are associated with the gossip. You may even be contributing.

Heart check time. 

If you find yourself placing judgement or complaining about others, it may be time to give yourself a heart check.  Complaining, comparing, and constant negativity is an overflow of the heart. What you can’t stand in her, it’s somehow a reflection of you.

Powerful women build up.

When you truly feel confident and at peace with yourself, you will find it less necessary to start conversations about others. When you know what you stand for, you will be able to walk away, or even end conversations that tear other women down. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be the kind of woman who shines a light on the good parts of other women, or the bad?”

You have a choice and you have the power.

If you find yourself in the midst of a gossip conversation, your character and reputation is being shaped. Even if you are not the “main culprit,” if you are engaged in listening to the gossip, laughing, or agreeing, you are associated. Fortunately, you are not a limp fish. You are a strong woman with love. And love is truth in action.

You have the power to change the conversation!

You have the power to choose compassion over judgement.

You have the power to speak wisdom.

You have the power to speak life, or not speak at all.

You have the power to step away and have better conversations!

You can do hard things with love!

YOU and only you are in control of the conversations you have and the way you feel.

If you find that you are the one choosing to “vent” a lot, just ask yourself, “what does it say about me that I feel this way?” Choose to reflect, think, and speak in love.


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