Does radical self-responsibility feel like a burden? (It has for me).
For the last year, my resounding mantra has been, “I am my own responsibility!” It’s basically our theme-song in Awaken Her Soul, and I’m seeing so many of you claim this daily on social as you hit the gym, go to therapy, set boundaries, and as you make your truth the forefront of your life.
The thought of radical self-responsibility has brought up a lot of questions, self-criticism and fears for many.
In a recent convo with a member of Awaken Her Soul, I was discussing how overwhelming/harsh it can feel to take responsibility for your life. We talked about how initially it can activate shame and the feeling of not-enough. Or with a slight twist, it can feel like victim-blaming. Or if you’ve been taking on too much responsibility for as long as you can remember, it can feel even more heavy, dreadful and not liberating at all to think of ONE MORE THING to take responsibility for.
Which is why I want to create some s p a c e around the idea, and offer some curiosity, perspective and joy to the conversation.
But first, gather round. It’s story time.
I was 25, starting my own business, trying to create the life of my dreams by pulling myself up by my bootstraps. (Responsible AF). I was working 4 jobs, searching for truth, working through my faith deconstruction; which also meant leaving the church-- the community that had served as my family for years. I was trying to save my marriage, fix my husband, fix our unhealthy patterns, all while in trauma therapy trying to fix myself. I also felt compelled to pass on all the knowledge I was gaining to my family, trying as the oldest child does, to fix everyone and make everything happy. Happy for me. Happy for others. Happiness for all!!
But it wasn’t happy.
Under all the “glamorous” growth and change, life felt heavy and I was tired.
And on top of it all, the thought of “not being a victim to my circumstances” and taking responsibility was really upsetting. Hadn’t I been a victim to abuse? YES. Wasn’t I still in a job with a boss who was manipulating me and lying about me? YES. Wasn’t I feeling alone in it all, trying to navigate the loss of my God, my faith and my community all at once? YES. Wasn’t it hard to have to learn self-trust, boundaries, and belonging in adulthood… all while managing a business and saving a marriage? YES.
IT WAS HARD. It was so hard. And, somehow in that season, it was realizing “I am my own responsibility” that helped set me free… and continues to do so.
If I wanted a new life of wholeness and love instead of fear and brokenness… Then I was the one who had to seek out healing.
If I wanted to set new generational patterns and deviate from the vicious cycle of codependency... Then I was the one who had to learn and practice new patterns.
If I wanted to feel free in my truth.… Then I was the one who had to set boundaries, I was the one who had to choose it
It became clear: The “savior” I’d always been searching for was me.
So what are the 10 liberating “lessons” in all of this? I’m soooo glad you asked!!
10 Liberating Lessons all women must learn:
Responsibility is simply the ability to respond in integrity to my truth. NOT taking on all the responsibility, burdens of the past, and to-do’s of the present. (It’s just your ability to act in accordance to who you really are).
Responsibility means I am the only one who can choose my wholeness, self-compassion, chase my dreams, or claim my worth. It’s true! You don’t have to wait for others to see your worth before you embody it.
Responsibility says: I can’t always control the circumstances, but it’s my sacred duty to manage my energies (my emotions, attitudes, behaviors and time).
Choosing responsibility means gaining agency. The ability to CHOOSE!
I can choose to heal.
I can choose to seek help.
I can choose to respond… or not to.
I can choose boundaries.
I can choose a new thought.
I can choose new patterns.
I can choose a new life.
I can choose again. Amen and amen.
Self-responsibility means I am sovereign over myself and the Queen of my life. AKA: you become the authority on your own life; gaining self-trust, healthy boundaries and power. You know yourself. You trust yourself. You ARE yourself, at all times.
Responsibility does not mean I have to do everything alone. It’s simply about shifting from codependency to interdependence, where tenderness, receiving help and love are paired with healthy boundaries; which allows for deeper trust and connection! YES PLZ.
Responsibility means knowing my needs, and knowing how to get them met in a healthy way.
Responsibility means I must give up control of others, stop managing the emotions of others, or trying to “fix” them. (Just imagine how much LIFE will be freed up if we all trusted other people to be on their perfect path!? It’s not your job to make others happy. Their healing is not your job! You don’t have to save anyone!!) All my empath babes, go ahead and take that sigh of relief now.
Responsibility means I can go at my own pace. I’ve got nothing to prove!! I do what’s best for me and no longer need anyone outside me to “get” me or my choices. Because I trust myself, and no longer need to meddle in the minds of others. (What they think is their business!)
Responsibility is a reclamation of freedom, dignity and self-respect.
BONUS: This one’s for you to write: Responsibility means ___________________.