Over the past 4 years, I’ve learned to live my life from a place of authenticity, integrity, and loving boundaries. If you’d meet me, you might say I have a powerful presence, am chatty, and passionate about living a life aligned with my values… but that wasn’t always the case.
For years I let friends and family members walk on me. When I was a vegetarian, I went as far as to pretend I ate meat in front of certain people to avoid the confrontation and judgement I feared. You might laugh at the silliness of my choice, but it’s one small example of how I hid myself for the “benefit of others."
While hiding, I blamed other people for making me hide, for being insensitive, for taking advantage of my kindness. I tiptoed around relationships, held myself back, pretended to hold certain beliefs to fit in, and felt resentful when I would work hard to make others happy and was left feeling dry as a bone.
The truth is, no one can make us behave in any certain way. My choice to hide myself, to put others first, and to deny my truth, that’s on me. What’s shocking is that even the most powerful, confident, self aware women still struggle with people-pleasing.
Why is it that even the women you admire most still struggle with people-pleasing?
There are 3 myths about people-pleasing they have bought into, that’s why.
The 3 Myths about people-pleasing that keep you stuck:
1. Your sweetness will gain you love.
We are trained from a young age that women are nice, sweet, and good-girls definitely don’t rock the boat. As much as we want to rebel, we have bought into the fact that unless we are “always loving and nice” we are not lovable or likable.
Since I’ve lost my sweetness, I’ve felt more love than ever before.
2. Boundaries are selfish.
Someone along the way taught you that setting a boundary was unloving and selfish. True love meant putting others before yourself, and if you did otherwise, you were self-absorbed. This lie perpetuates your empty cup, because if you’re empty, you really can’t give. In reality, boundaries protect the love you have and provide you with more love to give!
Boundaries may not make everyone happy, but they will make you much more loving.
3. If you show people who you really are, they won’t like you.
Sure, we have opinions, needs, and wants.. but how often do you say “yes” when your heart is screaming, “no no no!”? We fear being the bitch, being bossy, or being too abrasive, so we hide our opinions, hide our desires, don’t set boundaries, and play nice. (Often, only to have resentment build inside).
Showing people the real you allows you to receive love and actually feel it.
I’m seeing a theme here, are you? When you don’t people-please and live for the happiness of others, you are able to give and receive love in it’s most genuine form.
People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focused on earning love. Genuine love casts out fear.
Choose to say NO today: no to living for others, no to putting their happiness before your own, no to earning love, no to fear.
Say YES to shedding your sweetness and really living.
If you enjoyed this and want to step out of people-pleasing and into better boundaries, join me in an online boundaries workshop 12/4!