10 signs you’re experiencing a quarter-life crisis

10 signs you’re experiencing a quarter-life crisis:

I’ve been seeing so many Buzzfeed articles and memes about 25-35 year olds feeling behind, lost, hopeless, and confused about who they are and what they should be doing with their lives.

When will life start to feel like it’s “supposed to?!” I’ve wondered this myself.

When you graduated college, purchased a home, got serious with your partner, got that job, you believed this would finally make life feel like it was coming together. Until it didn’t. The relationship ended, you lost the job, you’re not satisfied.

“The quarterlife crisis is a period of life ranging from twenties to thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. “

Here are 10 signs you might be experiencing a (totally normal) quarter-life crisis:

  1. You feel like you’re supposed to be further along than you are- your career, your relationships, your self development, your finances.
  2. You desperately want to feel confident in yourself, whoever “yourself” really is.
  3. You’re re-evaluating your family’s belief and political systems and forming your own ideas
  4. You can’t decide whether you should go after your dreams or pursue the career you got your degree for
  5. You don’t know what your dreams even are
  6. Your friendships are starting to change and you feel a deep sense of loss
  7. You desire to “take care of yourself,” but can’t exactly afford massages, yoga, organic food, and fitness programs.
  8. You try to “do it all,” burn yourself out, and then netflix binge in an attempt to rest. (Only to feel guilty for being so unproductive.)
  9. You’re trying to better yourself and be a healthy adult, yet feel held back by your parent’s expectations.
  10. You still care a little too much about what people think about your life choices.
  11. BONUS: You’re reading a life coach’s blog because you just want some damn answers.

If you found yourself laughing, nodding, and feeling totally heard, I want you to know you are 100% normal. You are discovering yourself, stripping away the things that no longer serve you, and owning your story. You are in the process of coming alive. Lean into it.

This is the time to lean into the discomfort!

Choose to heal old wounds, get to know yourself, make new friends, choose to break patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you! Leave the relationship, change the job, make wise choices, and keep growing.

You can’t do it wrong if you’re showing up. 


DID YOU ENJOY THIS POST? SHARE WITH YOUR BESTIES! (YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY).


WANT MORE INSPIRATION?

Join the Tribe and get weekly letters exclusive to the tribe sent right to your inbox. 

4 Year Anniversary | What I wish I would have known before saying "I Do."

MARRIAGE LESSONS: YEAR 4

At our wedding we washed each other’s feet as a symbol of our devotion. We committed to love through good and bad, and committed to put each other first. This was a practice we adopted from Jesus, who washed his disciples feet, showing them he was willing to see and love the dirtiest parts of them, and sacrifice for them.  It was a beautiful symbol to us of marriage, and we felt strongly about the ritual… but we had no clue what the hell we were doing. 

THE WONKY RITUAL:

As we stood before 300 people, about to follow through with the foot washing, we realized that we forgotten the water. My brother in law quietly left the ceremony and brought water to us. As Phil started washing my feet, grass and dirt made the water a strange shade of brown. (We had been outside taking pictures in 107 degree heat.) It was disgusting and hilarious. By the end of the foot washing, we opted not to put our shoes back on because we hadn’t thought about how long it would take to complete the ritual, plus mine were filthy.

We were completely unprepared and caught off guard.

Our ritual of love and devotion was wonky, and it’s been the perfect symbol of growing into our marriage. We were in many ways unprepared for marriage. Our love tanks have been empty, our love tanks have been murky and toxic. We have been unconventional, and we have made it work.

So cute, so innocent, so clueless. Photo by Esther Ziegler

So cute, so innocent, so clueless. Photo by Esther Ziegler

WE GOT MARRIED YOUNG:

It was before my wellness journey began. Which means we have learned a lot about ourselves and being married since then. The past four years of life and marriage have been transformational.  Phil has been a witness to the growth, healing, and change in my life, as I have been in his. People always tell you marriage is hard; they tell you how selfish you’ll realize you are, that the passion ebbs and flows, that sex and finances will be the biggest strains, and that communication is key. I’ve learned about those things, but I’ve learned so much more.

The things I’ve learned which have helped me the most are not “marriage tools.” They are my own lessons in emotional, personal and relational wellness.

THE LESSONS:

My lessons are tools to become the most excellent person you can be, not just an excellent wife.

+ KNOW YOURSELF FIRST. THEN GET TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER

When I began on my journey to self awareness I had no clue how much this would impact my relationship. I learned how I “ticked,” I learned what made me happy, what triggered me, I learned areas where I needed healing, and I was better able to communicate my needs. Honestly, my self awareness was hard for my relationship at first because it caused a major shift in how our relationship functioned. We did not know healthy ways to understand ourselves or each other. But as I grew, I was able to communicate clearly, manage and own my own needs, and ultimately create a life-giving relationship of honesty, clarity, and fulfillment.

photo by Kinsey Mhire

photo by Kinsey Mhire

+ ALLOW OTHERS TO PROCESS LIFE IN THEIR OWN WAY

This one came from Phil. Through our journeys in counseling, healing, and personal development, we have come to seasons where one or the other was really hurting and processing. We have deconstructed our beliefs, grieved pains, and created new world-views together, yet we have done it with space and compassion. Everyone is processing  life through a different perspective and lens. Be present in the processing, but don’t try to understand everything. Give others space to process and come to peace in their own way.

Be a support, not a guide.

This requires trust, so much trust, and confidence in yourself and your relationship.

+ LEARN TO LISTEN

Like really listen. Dangit, this is a struggle for my mile and minute brain and mouth. I’m still practicing. Listen with the heart to understand. Be open to what they are saying and repeat back to them what you hear them saying. I like to call this “leaning in.” Lean in and be interested to people, make them feel like they matter more than anyone in the world. Trust me, listening is the greatest art. Learn more from the master of listening, Chris Lee.

+ LET GO OF CONTROL

Seems simple enough, yet, especially in our closest relationships we become emotionally entangled with the other person’s decisions. They reflect onto us. They affect us. If they make a mistake, it becomes personal or an attack. Learning that other people are completely separate from you, and they are responsible for their own actions is key. (The opposite of this is codependency).

There are so many things I've learned about marriage but those are the big ones from this year. Marriage tools are helpful, but I'm realizing becoming the best version of yourself will lead to your best relationships. 

TOOLS YOU MAY FIND HELPFUL:

The personality matrix: a podcast to help you understand yourself and others.

Know your love languages

My personal fav, The Boundaries Book

Robcast: A podcast about control in relationships.

Learn to listen by listening to this podcast.

8 TED talks that just might save your marriage.

 

**PHOTOS BY KINSEY MHIRE PHOTOGRAPHY


LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? GET MORE!

Navigating difficult relationships with love

Triggers, judgements, mirrors, and empathy: Navigating hard relationships with love

The other day a dear friend asked me, “What do when people you’re around just plain get under your skin?” Dang. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been there. I’m sure you can relate. Whether it’s your “annoying” co-worker, “attention seeking” sibling, “needy” parent, or someone just spewing negativity, it’s tricky to respond in love…especially when you’re a human who gets triggered like me.

As I thought of my friend’s question, I realized how much I’ve grown in this area. I used to be highly irritated, always annoyed by others, and overly concerned with their behavior. It was hard for me to love people where they were; I always wanted people to change, and I was constantly judging their motives. Until the moment I was asked that question, I had never explained my growth in this area to anyone. My answer was simple: begin with you.

1. You’re human, but you can choose love.

Here’s the thing- you’re human, you’re going to be annoyed from time to time, the key is not to stay there and ruminate over the other person. Always, always bring it back to you. You’re going to be triggered and stretched in order to become the most loving version of yourself. Instead of seeing it as a wrong on them, or judging them for it, just ask yourself how you are being stretched to love better.  

2. Empathy is the cure for judgement.

Learning to feel real compassion and empathy for others will cure judgement. Empathy chooses to see the other person as human. “Empathy is perspective taking, staying out of judgement, recognizing emotion in other people, and communicating. It’s feeling with people.” Brene Brown

When you recognize that other people’s actions are less about you and more about their own pains, wounds, and insecurities, you will begin to see their humanity. Although your judgements may pop up, and you may be triggered, you have a newfound understanding that they are not much different from yourself. 

I love this video by Brene Brown explaining empathy: 

3. Notice the behavior, not the character flaw

Having understanding and empathy for them will help you see their actions separate from their character. They may act annoying to you, but they aren’t an annoying person. It’s a behavior: learned, developed, and truly, not yours to judge. Choose to see them in the light you wish yourself to be seen: with good intentions, as a good person who is deserving of love and kindness.

4. What does this say about you?

share it!

share it!

Everyone is your mirror. That co-worker, your mother-in-law, your best friend, your partner; everyone you meet is your mirror. Your perceptions, judgements, and beliefs are all reflected back to you when you look at others.

What are your thoughts, triggers, and judgements revealing about you?

As you begin to shift to this mindset, you will learn a lot about the yourself. You will see what areas you are loving, which you need healed, and which areas you need to grow.

5. Remove all expectations of the other person 

One of the biggest ways we set ourselves up to be in judgement is when we expect people to be someone other than who they are. Allow people to be themselves, where they are, today.  

Danielle Laporte once said, “people are generally predictable.” I’m not implying to assume the worst about people- in fact I always believe in assuming the best.  I also believe in releasing expectations and allowing people to be their predictable selves.


It is not your responsibility to change them, only to love them. When you find yourself annoyed, irritated, or triggered, always start with yourself. If you’re a human, chances are you will be triggered and have to tame your judgements in order to love. Choose to see these moments as opportunities to learn and love more deeply.

DID YOU ENJOY THIS POST? BE SURE TO SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! 


WANT MORE INSPIRATION?

Join the Tribe and get weekly letters exclusive to the tribe sent right to your inbox. 

Name *
Name

 

Set goals with heart: a guide to making goals that you can’t help but achieve

SET GOALS WITH HEART: A GUIDE TO MAKING GOALS YOU CAN'T HELP BUT ACHIEVE

Before I became a life coach, I was making, changing, and striving to achieve goals constantly. From spiritual goals, to health goals, to reading a certain number of pages in a book a day- I was always on the hunt for the next thing that would help me achieve my dreams and be the person I wanted to be. Unfortunately I rarely achieved the goals and made a lot of excuses.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t motivated or driven. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to achieve the goal, it was that the goals I made were holding me back.

Ever made a goal that sounded like one of these?

“Stop being so hard on myself.”

“Lose 10lbs and be beach-body ready.”

“Cut out sweets, carbs, meat, gluten, and dairy.”

“Remove toxic people and make better friends.”

All of these goals are:

  • fear based
  • more like a demand; requiring striving, pain, and a lot of work.
  • negative and uninspiring.
  • without vision.
  • they make you feel heavy and weighed down from the start.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a goal that makes you giddy, excited, and look forward to the day you achieve it? There are a few tips and tricks I use with my clients to get them to that place, and I want to share them with you.

GOALS WITH HEART: IMAGE BY KINSEY MHIRE

GOALS WITH HEART: IMAGE BY KINSEY MHIRE


Use these tools TO make goals you can’t help but achieve:


1. GET HEART CENTERED

Figure out who you are and what you really want. A few ways I like to do this are by meditating, journaling (use my free journaling guide meant for this exact purpose!), or by talking with my coach.

Heart-centeredness is about the deep, core values and desires, when not aligned with our lives, leave us feeling unfulfilled. Heart-centeredness is a state of peace in which life is aligned. It is when the choices we make line up with our values and our deepest desires.

2. GET CLEAR

What is it that you want? In order to make clear and inspiring goals, you must know what it is you’re aiming for. Sure, you want to lose 10lbs, but what is the deeper goal behind that? How do you want to feel when you’ve achieved your goal weight? What do you want your life to be like in 6 months? What will change when your goal is met?

Danielle Laporte calls this your “core desired feeling.” It is the feeling underneath your goals, it’s the heartbeat of why you want what you want. Getting clear on your core desires will help you emotionally relate with your goal.

3. GET CONNECTED

Allow yourself to envision what life will be like when you achieve your goal and get really comfortable with it. Imagine what living out your “core desired feeling” would actually be like. Many of us create goals that we don’t believe we will achieve, even if we want to achieve them. Visualizing what life will be like when you achieve your goal is a great tool for when you’re unsure you have what it takes.

PRACTICE: Close your eyes and envision your life in one year. What are you doing? Who are you with? What does your life feel like? Get connected to your vision and start to see it as a real possibility. This will help you train your brain to a new normal- you’re getting connected to the reality that your goal will come true.

4. STAY POSITIVE

The words you choose when making your goals are very important. Words give life and meaning to our desires, and when you have strong desires for your future, the words you choose should reflect that. Keep the words in your goal positive and inspiring.

5. WRITE IT DOWN

^ SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS ^

^ SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS ^

Everything you’ve thought through, as you’ve gotten clear about and envisioned, write it down. Seeing it visually and getting your thoughts onto paper will help you reinforce your clarity and connection to what you want. When you land on the goal you want, write it down and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day.

            PRO TIP: Put your goal in your car, or make it your phone background!

6. ASK FOR SUPPORT

You don’t need to post your goal on Facebook or instagram to have accountability; in fact, I would discourage you from shouting it from the mountaintops. Instead, find one or two people who can hold you to your goal, encourage, and support you. These people can be a best friend, a partner, or a coach. (It’s best if this supportive person cares about you, but is not personally invested in you achieving your goal- this way your support is not biased, and their emotions won’t get in the way.)

7.    STAY LOVING

Nothing is worse than working towards a goal that makes you feel inadequate. You will face road bumps because goals stretch us and ask us to step into our highest selves. Stay loving towards yourself. Give yourself compassion. Reward yourself for progress and keep track of your successes!

Setting goals with heart will not only help you create more meaningful goals (and ultimately a more meaningful life), it will help you achieve your goals with ease. Apply my goal setting tips and let me know how it goes for you; maybe even revisit your current goals and tweak them a bit!

I can't wait to hear how you supercharged your goals by adding a little heart. 

-Madison


WANT TO SET GOALS TOGETHER?!

ONE ON ONE:

I would be happy to support you on your goal-setting journey in a 30 minute clarity call, helping you get clear on your goals and giving you a boost of energy to get going towards them! Oh, and it’s free. Reserve your 30 minute call here.

IN COMMUNITY:

If you are in Springfield, MO come The Bravery Board this Saturday 10am-noon at Culture C-Street. Emma Chapman of A Beautiful Mess and Bravery Board co-founder Kate Alsup are giving their expert advice on goal setting. Grab your tickets here.

The Bravery Board is a local passion project I co-founded in March. We host monthly gatherings on topics related to mental wellness, personal growth, and thriving in community. It is a great place to get connected and be inspired. If you’re not local, you can still join the fun! Listen to past speeches here.