Standing in your truth in during the holidays
Along the journey to self care and living your most vibrant life, you will uncover a lot of road bumps. When I surveyed the Tribe for this series, you said you sometimes feel like the “glue” that holds your family together. You said that you walk on eggshells, downplay your brilliance, play a role in the family that isn’t a true reflection of who you are but who others need you to be, and often your self care struggles when visiting family during the holidays. It is no lie that family time often brings up old wounds and dynamics that you don’t deal with in your day to day life. You might find yourself falling back into old patterns and feeling really frustrated at yourself and others.
It doesn’t have to be this way. You can have a peace filled, joyful holiday season and stand in your strength.
First, I want to say that dealing with family dysfunction is hard. In part 1 of the series we talked about boundaries and how you can not change others. Today we are going deeper in what you can do for YOU, how to own your truth and stand in the brilliance of who you are.
1. Own your truth
Last year I was a practicing vegetarian. At family events in the past I had been picked on for my small stature, and because I was weary of certain people’s opinions of my food choices and fear of the comments, I denied my truth and ate meat at all family functions. It made me feel like a phony and like I had to hide who I really was to be accepted.
Hiding is never the answer.
Okay, so hiding isn’t the answer. But how do you address real issues that cause a division in your family? How do you actually OWN your truth?
Be honest about who you are.
This doesn’t need to be a huge discussion. In fact, it may require no words at all. Function intentionally as yourself.
Do you practice yoga in the mornings? Practice yoga.
Do you pray before meals? Pray.
Do you eat a certain way? Come with food to share!
Do you need extra time alone to center yourself? Take the time.
Do you have something big you want to celebrate? Talk about it with your family!
If people ask about your actions, be prepared to kindly answer. But I beg you, do NOT make excuses for living how you live.
Respond in kindness
When that uncle starts ranting about political issues you don’t agree with or when someone makes a false assumption, think before you respond. There may be situations you know in your gut you need to address, others you know you need to be silent. Practice discernment here. Remember that other’s opinions and words are 100% their responsibility. You can not change them, you can only love them.
What will you embrace about yourself this year? Is it a relationship? Is it your faith? Is it telling your family about your choice to get counseling or seeing a life coach? Is it being honest about your career choice? Your relationship status?
Be who you really are. Be proud of it too.
2. Saying no to the soul sucking
When drama is a norm it can be difficult to recognize and kindly remove yourself. Drama and emotional strain are sure ways to empty your joy and peace. Your emotional energy is not an endless supply. Take time to do things that nourish you. Take the time to pour into yourself and set some healthy personal boundaries.
Prepare in advance to take good care of your emotional state by asking yourself these questions:
What are situations or people that trigger you?
What helps you recharge your emotional boundaries?
What is your baseline for personal health?
(Seriously, write these things down!)
This holiday season, choose to stand up for yourself and your needs. If you need to walk away from a conversation, IT IS OKAY TO WALK AWAY. You will not ruin the spirit of the day by drawing a line with gossip or with a needy family member. Use your no.
“No. Nope. Nah. No thanks. Not today. Not for me. I don’t think so. I’m not up for that. I can’t.”
Which one fits best on your lips?
“Did you hear about…” Not today.
“Want to pick up an extra gift for me for the gift exchange? I forgot about it!” I don’t think so.
Make up one that fits with your holiday situation! It’s fun, right!?
Remember, You are never ever the glue that holds people together.
People choose to be together or not based on a series of choices. If your honest presence makes people feel uncomfortable, instead of denying who you are to be the glue, maybe start seeing yourself as the SALT. Your presence brings out what is already there, good or bad! You don’t change it or keep it from changing, you just expose it. And that, darling, is more than okay.
Stay salty, stay true, and use your NO to keep you present.
I truly believe when you stop worrying about everyone else and just live your truth, let your yes be yes and no be no, you will be able to live in the moment much more easily. Joy and peace will be yours because you will have let go of expectations and will be present with the moment. You will show up fully and enjoy the good things because your mind will be clear of what everyone else is thinking or worrying about. You will have chosen to protect your spirit from negativity and overwhelm and will have a much more peace-filled holiday because of it!
Cheers to your own personal joy and peace!!!