Finding Personal Power through Letting Go of Old Narratives

Finding Personal Power through Letting Go of Old Narratives

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When you find yourself questioning what you once saw as the “right” way of living, and determine that it no longer meshes with how you feel and experience the world, what do you do? 

One option is to take the brave step towards deconstructing your life and examining it, one precious piece at a time.

To discover and break down barriers is a frightening concept to face, but I can say that being willing to face my fears of losing my identity and belonging in religion has brought me so much richness on the other side.

After years in a community of faith, I found myself questioning the cultural norms that I had accepted for so long.

Questions arose as I became aware of my inner spirit coming into conflict with what I saw being lived out around me. I eventually allowed myself to claim my own voice, and what was once a tender topic gradually became a tool for self-empowerment. 

If you’re on the path of evaluating your faith, or cultural norms, take a moment to pause and look around at your community, at the messages you view in social media, at your inner dialogue, and ask yourself: 

 

Am I clinging to things

and people that don’t serve me?

Have I become too comfortable

with things that are unhealthy?

 

—What do I need to let go of?—

 

Sometimes we need to take a look inward in order to allow ourselves to discover who we truly are. 

 

This is not a topic limited to Christianity or Religion, but simply a larger question of what it means to be willing to let go of parts of your identity or community when they no longer feel safe or supportive.  

Whether you’re already on your own path through deconstruction, or you have come through to the other side after facing some tough questions, I hope you’ll find some encouragement in My Conversation with Kristen Lohr or in my story about leaving Evangelical Christianity. 



In the spirit of self-trust,

The Soul Aligned Morning is a meditation I created in support of becoming quiet and trusting and valuing your inner voice. 



Learning to Speak Your Truth: Boundaries 101

Learning to Speak Your Truth: Boundaries 101

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What does it mean to speak your truth and why should you care? Coming into your authentic self is the core of personal growth and inner development. This core can only be reached when you learn to speak your truth and love who you are. This is not an easy goal to achieve. When you speak your truth, the truth asks a lot from you in return; but the rewards will be tremendous.

It’s vital to learn how to speak your truth so you can enjoy the peace of living your life authentically. There are signs to watch for as you learn, these will help you discover and understand exactly when you’re not speaking your truth, and how to turn it around so that you are.  

Living within your truth and embracing your authentic self is an exhilarating feeling which can continue forward when you also learn how to distinguish your personal boundaries and how to best apply them to the world at large, as well as with family and friends at home.

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Speaking your truth is simply the honest and authentic expression of your needs, desires, creativity and boundaries. It’s how we teach others how to treat us, and how we share who we are with the world.

But as we all know, it’s not always that simple.

Speaking your truth can be scary AF.

One’s own Truth is vulnerable. It leaves room from being misunderstood, rejected, judged and can even be triggering to another person. Many of us have been conditioned to not listen to our needs, or to not know how to speak them. We have spent years suppressing this crucial type of communication. We have old tapes playing in our heads instead, and are caught up following the expectations of others, so we’re always being “nice” and “good” instead of HONEST AND TRUE.

Here are a few true stories I’ve had to reprogram in order to speak my truth freely:

I worked up the courage to tell my mom how I felt, only to end up needing to comfort her for the way I was feeling.

  • UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: If I speak my truth, I’ll hurt others and end up caretaking them when I am the one who need comfort.

I set a boundary with a boss, only to have them slander me behind my back.

  • UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: It’s not safe to ask for my needs to be met.

I told a friend she was hurting my feelings with insensitive statements, only to have the relationship end.

  • UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: I’m overly sensitive and others can’t handle my emotions.

I expressed a desire to a partner in bed, and they felt attacked, like a failure, and shut down.

  • UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: I must protect my partner’s emotions over claiming my desires.

What I want isn’t as important as other people’s happiness.

I showed up authentically online and put myself out there, only to have someone slander me publicly and start harassing me online.

  • UNCONSCIOUS BELIEF: I’m showing up incorrectly… I need to tone myself down so people are not so triggered by me.

Letting go

I’d like to tell you that when you speak your truth, it will always go perfectly, but if you can’t tell by my personal experience, this isn’t always the case. People won’t always understand, they sometimes have their own “stuff” which prevents them from giving you what you need, and often, WE lack the tools to set effective boundaries, communicate our needs, and be okay when others don’t know how to love us according to our own needs.

Before you can speak your truth, you’ll have to let go of caretaking for the feelings, judgments and perceptions of others while owning full responsibility for speaking your truth in an effective way.  You cannot control how others will react towards you or anything you say or do. YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOUR OWN REACTIONS. You can only understand your own perceptions, your own choices, your own feelings. So why not start listening to yourself for a change?  When you let go of the need to meet other people’s desires and instead focus on your own, you will be empowered and for you will begin to know and love your authentic self.

Let’s be honest, if we want to be successful at having others respect our boundaries and honor our truth, we must first own our power.

You’ve got to learn to speak your truth effectively, with grace and power.

Demanding respect isn’t the way.

Cowering back in fear of offending isn’t the way.

Caretaking the emotions of others is not the way.

Carelessly speaking your mind and telling your innermost feelings to unsafe people, is not the way.

Speaking your truth requires that you: take 100% responsibility for your experience and let go of managing the experience of others.

  • It’s your job to heal your unconscious beliefs so you can show up despite what others think while still embodying grace.

  • It’s your job to work with your fear and courageously show up.

  • It’s your job to manage your emotions and let go of managing others.

  • It’s your job to identify “safe people” and release people who can’t support you.

  • It’s your job to learn to set boundaries and then honor them.

But most of all, you’ve got to know that no one is coming to speak your truth for you. It’s your job to know what you need, desire, and what will support the authentic life you’ve been dreaming of, and then ask for it.

Here are a few signs you’re not speaking your full truth:

  • You often feel unheard, like others are not loving you the way you need, or like your needs are not being met.

  • Your life is dictated by expectations and the “should’s and shouldn’ts” of others

  • You’re playing small, not fully stepping into your gifts.

  • You feel like you give a lot, and no one reciprocates.

  • You often feel taken advantage of.

  • You say YES when you want to say NO.

  • Your calendar is dictated by the needs and plans of others.

  • You’re tired on a soul-level.

  • You react when someone crosses a boundary, but it’s never followed through or respected.

  • You feel guilty for the way you react, or feel guilty for saying “no.”

  • You show up honestly on social media, then immediately second guess your posts, or delete it.

  • You blame others for not understanding, or often feel lonely, like no one “gets you.”

  • You feel out of integrity with your highest self, like something is just “off” and you can’t put your finger on it.

  • You’re literally not telling the truth about how you feel and what you need.

  • You’re often resentful, jealous or angry when others take time for themselves, saying things like, “must be nice” or “must be easy for her.”  

When you’re living, owning, and speaking your truth, sure some uncomfortable feelings come up, but for the most part you’re living with:

  • More Peace - no more guilt! You’ll have the ability to turn off mental noise of what others are thinking and stay in your own lane.

  • More Power - Be able to stand in your truth with power, no matter what others say or do.

  • More Confidence - Confidence to take up more space- be more honest, feel free in your own life.

  • Healthier Relationships - Leave the relationships that don’t serve you and shift the ones that need a “boundaries boost.”

  • Better Health - No more striving to meet expectations or “hustle” at the cost of your own physical wellbeing.

  • More Freedom - To be yourself and that you can naturally attract the right people and stop trying to be something you’re not.

  • More Presence - Create win-win situations, no longer reacting in anger or hurt when others push back at your boundaries.

  • More Fun - You’ll have capacity for more values-aligned goodness. (This is your life, on your terms).

  • More Space - You won’t be rushing from one holiday party to the next, rushing to answer emails or have a full calendar. Your priorities will be clear, and your life will have more white space.

  • More Effective Communication - Instead of hoping for your needs to be met, you’ll have the skills to speak your truth with efficacy and integrity.

  • More Clarity - When you cut out all the noise and “should’s and shouldn’ts” you’ll finally hear your Soul speak.

  • More Pleasure - When you stop pleasing everyone else, you can finally tune in and meet your own desires

These things are not just an inspirational message, they are attainable with self-inquiry and teachable skills! There is certainly “work” to living this way, but it can be done! It starts by tapping into your needs, truth and desires and fully owning them. Then, learning the tools to speak your truth, set your boundary, and honor yourself above all else.

Break the need for others to see you as “good,” “right” or “nice.” Just be honest. First with yourself, then with the world.

Ways to Move Forward

  1. Get clear: Ask yourself, “Where have I betrayed my truth to protect myself, in shame, or in fear?”

  2. Own your needs: Ask yourself, “What do I need in order to feel clear and free in my life?”

  3. Tune inward + heal: Ask yourself, “If other people’s feelings were not involved, what would I say or do?”

  4. Speak up: Ask yourself, “What conversation needs to be had so I feel seen and heard moving forward?”

  5. Learn the tools: In my 3-part Boundaries 101 Training, I teach the basics of boundaries and communicating your needs.

I teach all of this in depth in my Full Boundaries Ecourse, which I’m offering at a low price right now!

It’s become clear that, in order to speak your truth, you’ve got to be equipped with more than just a pep-talk. You’ve got to know real and practical skills to help you embody your worth and thrive in your relationships.


micro-blog: Confident Woman: When Self-Worth Meets Courage

micro-blog: Confident Woman: When Self-Worth Meets Courage

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The thing about women with confidence is that their power shows up in the subtlest of ways.

What do you envision when you think about a confident woman?

Maybe you picture a woman flaunting her body in a bikini, or a woman with a loud voice and strong opinions. Sometimes, that’s exactly what a confident woman is, but confidence wears many faces.

Today, I’m inviting you to broaden your perception of confidence.

A confident woman has nothing to prove.

She’s free to follow her path, loving herself when she makes mistakes, and believing in herself when she’s met with a challenge.

"No thank you.” falls gently but surely from the lips of a confident woman. Confident women honor their commitments, doing the work behind the scenes to cultivate a thriving life. 

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Confidence is when TRUE self-worth meets courage.

It grounds you. Anchors you. Reminds you of the wealth of value within. When you’re grounded to your truth, external events cannot steal your peace.  

The subtle nuances of confidence show up steadfast in the face of turmoil, and triumphant in the elevation of accomplishment. Confidence may sometimes be quiet, but it is always available to you. It is always accessible.

You can choose to move into deeper confidence.

You can start where you are, right now.

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Ready for Radical Confidence?

If you’re ready to lean into radical confidence, heal your internal story and start each day with a renewed outlook, I have something for you. I developed, The Soul-Aligned Morning, my free gift to you, to help you start your day in a space of confidence and peace. A daily practice of this kind helps you make the shift from self-doubt to self-love. It can truly change your life.


micro-blog: Self-Love: Playing Big with Humility

Self-Love: Playing Big with Humility

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“The opposite of self-love is not humility. The opposite of self-love is self-loathing.” - Brooke Castillo

That statement holds so much truth for me.

As I delve deeper into self-love, I find myself holding space for others to do the same.  

May you see in fullness who you really are and commit to:

  • Letting go of seeing yourself through a broken lens - no more trying to prove/fix yourself.

  • Fully receive the love, gifts, help and pleasure in your life - no more earning love.

  • Stand in your power with *true* humility, self love and integrity - no more playing small and calling it humility. ⠀⠀

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It has never been your assignment to make others comfortable with the depth and breadth of who you are.

It’s okay to accept the compliment without minimizing it.

It’s okay to be appreciated without looking away.

It’s okay to be abundantly and fully you.

I’d have you no other way.

Now hop over to Instagram and tell me, what do you absolutely LOVE about the woman you are.

Ready to Dive In?

Ready to dive deeper into self-love? Join me for an inspiring morning practice to help you own your space and banish self-doubt.