Transform Your Jealously and Use It To Achieve Your Dream Life

I've got a story about friendship for you today. The topic: jealousy. 
 
A dear friend of mine recently asked me if we could talk. She said she had wanted to bring it up sooner, but felt now was the time. 
 
"I need to get clear about a moment of jealousy in our friendship. I felt jealous of you. It wasn't a dark jealousy, and I didn't resent you, but it did spark a trigger in me and I needed to tell you," she said.
 
We had a beautiful conversation about how jealousy doesn't have to be ugly, although, it so often is. She told me I inspired her to be her best, and I felt the same way.  We are so close because we see the good in each other and are lifted higher. 

But. 
That's not how it often goes. Jealousy takes root when we see our friends, women in our circle and online thriving in their strengths. 
 
We have a not-so-pretty-gut reaction. We resent them. We talk them down. We distance ourselves, make excuses for why it was easy for them to shine, and why it's so hard for ourselves, and give reasons they are undeserving.
 
Underneath all the dark sides of jealousy, there is a lot more happening if we choose to take notice.
 
What's really happening when you're jealous:
-you're inspired
-you're seeing your own potential called out
-you're face to face with your own fear of inadequacy
-you have the choice to respond to the call to be great, or let your jealousy make you suffer below your potential
 


When you begin to see other women killing it, notice that pain inside.
Is it asking you to step forth in a new way?
Is it calling you to step up and stand in your strengths?

Jealousy doesn’t have to be ugly. Let it point you to your potential, let it lift you higher.


ENJOY THIS POST? It was originally sent to the Tribe as a Tribe Letter! If you want to be the first to get your hands on fresh content, all my helpful downloads, and real-talking riffs, join!

Overcome Loneliness | Create Genuine and Lasting Friendships

Loneliness. Have you felt it? It's that ache inside you that longs to be known, that desires to connect, to share life in a meaningful way. When I went through what I like to call my "soul growth spurt" I felt distant from my close friends, and longed to connect with women who were running the same race as me. 

Loneliness is the secret struggle so many women are facing alone... and with heaps and heaps of shame. If you've ever struggled to find meaningful and open friendships, trust me, you are not alone.

Cultivating powerful female sisterhood is not something that comes easy to me. As an extrovert, you'd think I would be better at deeply connecting, maintaining friendships, and opening up to people. I have had to work to tear down the walls that kept people at a distance, work on my confidence in who I am, and work on actually showing up in my friendships. (You teach what you've had to learn, amIright?)

I've come to realize that the kind of connection I crave takes work.

If you're like me and desire close female friendship, but fumble your way through it most of the time, here are a few aha moments in my journey:

1. Being authentically you is the best way to attract people who "get" you.

It just makes sense, if you are showing up as someone else in your everyday life, or are a chronic people-pleaser, you're going to attract people you don't feel totally yourself around!  Start by getting comfortable with you. Be at home in your own skin. Learn to love yourself. When you see someone standing in their power, they are magnetic! Owning who you are will make you irresistible to "your people."

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2. Everyone, deep down, longs to be known.  

Yep. We are all a lot more alike than we are different. We all have a longing to connect and be known. You are not alone! Once you realize that, messaging the acquaintance from work and asking her for coffee won't be so scary. Opening up about the real stuff will be (a little more) easy! Being vulnerable and deeply loving in your friendships will eventually feel like home.

3. You've got to show up.

This is the one slapping me in my face at the moment. Friendships are built over time and with consistency. They take investment of time, love, care, and mutual understanding. If you're feeling lonely and you know you have friends who have your back, ask yourself, "how good of a friend have I been to them?" The state of your friendships has a lot to do with how you show up within them. Put a little effort in and watch them bloom.

You've got what it takes to create a life you love. From owning your story, to standing in your power, to cultivating meaningful friendships, you've got this.

Want to cultivate deep relationships with women who can support you, cheer you on, and hold space for you? 

I want to invite you to join me in my new group mentorship program! This 8-person virtual group coaching space will allow you to dive deep on your journey with women just like you. It's by application only and is priced so anyone can participate! I can't wait to have you. 

3 ways to take the lead in your life

 

You’d be shocked at how small I can become. Like those skilled contortionists at the circus, I molded myself into an ideal image I thought I was expected to uphold. I knew how to play the game, keep everyone smiling, keep everyone clapping.  


I tried to make everyone happy, lived for other people’s expectations, never asked questions, and avoided stirring the pot at all costs. 
 
"Play nice.
Play your part.
Play it safe.
Play small."

 
I tried so damn hard to fit into a box; a box that I willingly jumped in, I might add!  
The prison of expectations and the shame for falling short was not something I could blame others for. I was the one who needed the approval. I was the one who wanted to have everything under control. I was the one playing so small…
 
that is until I decided to own my life, play to my strengths, and let go of the opinions of others. 
 
I dare you to play big. Reject the role you were never meant to play and take the lead in your own life. Free yourself from the prison. Jump out of the box. Give yourself permission, I promise the only one keeping you small is you. 

If you’re unsure where to start, here are 3 of my go-to tips to get aligned + come alive:
 
1. Get honest + put pen to paper! 
Journaling is one of the most effective ways to discover who we are, what we want, and coach ourselves through our mental blocks. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time either. Give yourself 5 minutes a day. The hardest part is just sitting down to do it!
 
2. Find your true tribe!
Take an inventory of the people in your life. Are they supportive of your growth? Do they help you become a better you? Do they know the real you and love you for all your strengths, quirks, and weirdness? If not, it’s time to make a shift. Don’t waste any more time trying to convince people of your worthiness. Get around people who already know; they are your true tribe. 
 
3. Take a risk.
You can’t play big if you’re committed to staying small and safe! Go to that dance class that intimidates you. Ask a new friend out to coffee. Apply for the job. Make the damn thing. Commit to your growth + healing. Just make a move, girl! 


ENJOY THIS POST? It was originally sent to the Tribe as a Tribe Letter! If you want to be the first to get your hands on fresh content, all my helpful downloads, and real-talking riffs, join!

My Raw Story: a Vulnerable Interview on the Soul Sparks Podcast with Kristin Lohr

I was interviewed by Kristin Lohr on the Soul Sparks Podcast! Kristin asked such juicy, deep questions pulled out some stories I'd never thought to share online so I knew I needed to share it here! We talk about everything from my mean-girl-gang in high school, to navigating getting married at 20, to the deconstructing of my faith. This interview gets REAL.

Enjoy!

"Who you used to be is worthy of love too. I like who I am now, I’ve worked so hard to be where I am now, but the person I used to be is worthy of love too."